I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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