im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
