I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
