My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
