you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
