kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
