You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
