literally had 100 drinks last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
