I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
