I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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