You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
