I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
