fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
