Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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