I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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