i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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