hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
