I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
