Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

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(307): View more from Wyoming

there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence

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(812): View more from Indiana

I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex

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(270): View more from Kentucky

My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"

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(269): View more from Michigan

I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet

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(504): View more from Louisiana

so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?

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