They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
