I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just google imaged poop.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
