Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
