I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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