So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
