This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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