I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
