i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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