you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
