You smell like stripper and shame
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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