I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize