wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
