Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
