no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
