If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
