I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
