Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
