her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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