I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
