Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
