i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
