3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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