He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
