I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
