The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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