You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
