someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I understand Curling. That high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
