Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
