I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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