Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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