I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
