i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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