i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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