even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
