I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
