Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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