God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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