Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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