Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
