dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize