I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
