did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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