i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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