He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
