I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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