So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
