Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
