I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
